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Jan. 14th, 2005

(no subject)

by the way, lindsay, did you happen to tell your mutter that your best friend does drugs, too? No, I'm sure you didn't. It must have slipped your mind. Don't worry; she'll find out, soon enough.

There's plenty of things I know about you, and your friends that I could fill your mother in on, which wouldn't benefit me one bit, but wouldn't hurt me, either. i'm not going to; despite the temptations, until you piss me off again.

Dec. 20th, 2004

(no subject)

Happy 17th birthday, Sebastian, even though you're not here to see it. I remember even though you said I wouldn't.

May. 10th, 2004

(no subject)

We have a problem here.

why the fuck are there so many fucking people on my god damn friends list? like f_a_g? and a bunch of other people i've never seen before. so.. if you've added me recently, please, either leave a message telling me who you are, or remove yourself from existence... or my friends of list.. thanks.

Feb. 28th, 2004

This is for Nathalie:

Dear Nathalie,

Fuck you. You can go fucking blow me. I hate you. Ive never met anyone in my life who makes me as angry as you do. You assume more about me than I do. And do say that you dont. You assumed that I was in love with alanna. FUCK YOU! I never had a crush on her or anything, so get that out of your fucking brain. You assumed that I was taking sides with Joey, when you weren't even FUCKING THERE!! FUCK YOU! God dammit. I know I fucking complain a lot, but fuck it, I do it on my time, and mostly in my fucking journal, but all you ever do is take time out of my [and I say "my" because I'm speaking for myself and not everyone else] life and bitch about alanna, and shaye, and how fucked up your entire life is. FUCK YOU, I HATE YOU. FUCK YOU!!!


Nov. 13th, 2003

Last Night [public]

Last night absolutely sucked. I stayed up until like 10ish doing homework, that still isn't even done, but I told my grandmother it was. Bleh. I went to bed and as soon as I started falling asleep I had the worst coughing attack. I seriously thought I was going to die...

It was like a tickle in the back of my throat and there wasn't anything I could do to stop it. I went upstairs to get a drink and my gramma bitched at me about not being asleep. Then, I got a pretzel to see if I could scratch my throat, but it didn't help and I ended up choking on it. And eventually, threw up. But I didn't tell my gramma, cause she wouldn't care.

I smacked my face [..my cheek/eye..] on the side of my desk. Yeh... sure.. why not?

So, I'm bruised. It hurts.

Ashley stayed home today too, so she's over. I have to do homework.



PS. Elmo is pissing me off so mother fucking bad. Find the hatchet.

Nov. 10th, 2003

(no subject)

Oct. 19th, 2003

(no subject)

Decided to make it friends only for a while. If you feel the sudden urge to be a friend, I really don't care. Because I hate you all. Even most of my friends, I hate. So, Fuck off until further notice.

(no subject)

Regrets from last night? Nope! They all deserve what they go and what's coming to them. Every last god damn one of them.

Yep. That is pretty much it.

"So many people in the matrix die alone, they
They knock me in my soul belongs to juggalos, they
Keep me going when I'm down and out
I pick up the phone drop them a line and here them shout
Saying Twiztid is the shit, and I'm down with the clown
Dark Lotus for life until I'm dead in the ground!
I give a shout to all my homies and killas who keep me started
All my juggalos always representing when departed"

And that.

And... you all deserve eternal pain.


Oct. 18th, 2003

(no subject)

Well, well well. I did it. I broke. Not suprising, huh? Maybe not, but it's an update.

I just needed something to keep my mind off the fact that i want to shove a butcher knife through my heart, so I IMed him. He told me that he couldn't talk. It wasn't a good time for him. I asked him if he'd be alright, and he didn't answer me. I kirked.

I just wanted a peephole, so that I knew what was going on in the world, on the outside of these four walls that I'm confined to, but instead I get rejected and ignored. Not a very good answer to my question, but an answer, none the less.

When he ignored me, I got upset. Then angry, enraged, violent. Stupid. I did somethings I'll probably regret in the morning, but not right now. Not now, because the people I did them to deserved it. 100%. And now, I'm content. But I guess we'll see in the morning. If I decide to wake up. And to think... I was looking foward to this weekend three weeks before it even came, and it all came crashing down with these words:

"Sheena, if *he* calls back, tell him you can hang out with him for an hour or two, because I don't feel like taking you over there right now."

Go figure one sentence can make you do such stupid things... hmm...

Reject- By Zombie Child

im all messed up
itz been so long
since ive had a smile on my face
but tha pain aint gone
im so tired
coz itz been 10 yrs
since ive slept through tha night without any fear
im so alone in all of this
i cant take it
its to hard to go on
but i wont kill myself
coz pple will be sad when im gone
but i question tha love that you have for me
coz you are the one that fuels my insanity
i cant take this shit
its gettin to hard
i slip into comatose
coz my mind is torn

i cant sleep without you
but all tha shit you put me thorugh
i cant get over tha fact
that you aint got my back

I travel alone
i have no home
i cant escape
coz im a reject
i have to no place
to sit and wait
for a better life to come to me

i sit around waitin for tha sunshine to come
but when i look out of my window
i still see none
i cant get theze dark cloudz outta me head
but i still dont wish that i were dead
i cant explain in simple werdz my pain inside
i cant show you
coz i want to hide
from tha world outside
coz ive been rejected
sumtimes i wish i could push tha button
and everythingll be reseted
i dont wanna be alone
but itz all i know as i sit and watch this world
go up like smoke



It's eerie. The words, the feelings, the relations.

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